The joints of my toes are swollen and painful enough that I’m walking like a duck.  We lost the game 6-0.  I re-opened a nasty, weeping skinned knee gained Monday in beach volleyball.  And I have grass stains on my Appalachian-beat-Michigan shirt.  This is fabulous.  Seriously.

Because this is the first time since high school that I’ve played ultimate without ankle pain.  And I was BAREFOOT.  I got pulled into a pick-up game while wearing flip flops.  Sprinting, cutting, diving, losing ignominiously on the upper quad in front of Wait Chapel, there was nothing but glory.  Even with easing back into running, I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to chase down a long intercept again.  But I did.  And the belief in my physical self that returned with that catch was amazing.  The belief in myself as whole person, not simply as sadder-but-wiser goods.  Such a little thing.  But so nice.    

Weird how confidence should be so tied to the physical.  Weird how the mending on that front should coincide with my research starting to look up, and overcoming house tensions with Tommy, and no longer being apologetic about getting through grad school in my own way.  I knew things were getting better when I stopped caring whether Dr. Berenhaut thought I understood things in our research – when I started shrugging and pausing discussions with “You know, I don’t have a clue why that’s true.  Could you re-explain it?”  When I stopped caring about whether I ended up with some flavor, any flavor of doctorate.  Because oh yes, that was definitely part of the drive to jump into a JD after AmeriCorps.  But no, I’m not going to do that.  I’m going to teach first.  Maybe sail around the world second.  I can’t know if I’ll help more people as a lawyer or as a teacher, but I know teaching will make me happy.  So I’ll try it.  Law will always be there.

All of these developments served on a platter of ultimate frisbee.  

And I need to say, to all of you, to God, Thank You.  I did not get here alone.

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